


And Will You Leave Me To Fight Alone?

by Zayrastriel



Category: Wheel of Time - Robert Jordan
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, by the end certainly, unrequited?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-21 01:13:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3671952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zayrastriel/pseuds/Zayrastriel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Moiraine always said she’d die before Siuan.  It isn’t till Leane tells her, though, that Siuan realises she was stupid to ever doubt it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And Will You Leave Me To Fight Alone?

“They’re saying she died killing Lanfear,” Leane tells her, pity saturating her voice – oh yes, as though Moiraine weren’t Leane’s bloody friend as well.  Perhaps they weren’t as close as Moiraine and Siuan.  But they were friends.

So she doesn’t understand why her Keeper is looking at her like that.

 _Don’t say anything else_ , Siuan wills her (though with little hope).  And sure enough… “I’m sorry, Siu-“

“I’m the Amyrlin Seat, Leane Sedai,” Siuan hisses.  “And you will leave.  _Now_.”  Her voice is a whip, cracked and rough and Leane has no choice but to do as she ordered, wide-eyed and scared (but still concerned, like Siuan’s a startled animal.)

* * *

 

It strikes her, a couple of nights later when she’s tossing and turning and, pathetically, unable to find any rest; that she hasn’t seen Moiraine since she was in the Borderlands. 

Immediately after that thought, comes the realisation that there were perhaps four times over the past decade where she truly conversed with Moiraine without the trappings of Amyrlin Seat.  It was necessary, they had both agreed; that Siuan was to gain respect in the Tower, consolidate a position and protect Moiraine as best she could to carry out the real work.

Sometimes, Siuan bitterly envied Moiraine that freedom; to travel as she liked, where she liked.

That thought rises again, only to be quashed brutally.

Because Siuan is still alive, and Moiraine is dead.

* * *

 

If they’ve rarely had the occasion for true, honest conversation since Siuan took the Amyrlin Seat and Moiraine left the White Tower, then less than half of that was isolated enough for any more.  And so Siuan’s memories of Moiraine’s smooth, clear voice; her tiny frame and soft skin belied only by the strength of her gaze –

In the middle of an informal Sitter’s gathering, Siuan has to call up every ounce of her Aes Sedai stillness.  Still, Leane casts a strange look her way.

* * *

 

She might be stilled now, but she still knows how to keep her face calm, keep herself still when she wants to scream to the stars.  _Light it burns_ , and that is more than a bit of an understatement. 

Even when Nynaeve comes along, even when she does that _thing_ that fixes Siuan (but only partially) – she still has that ridiculous baby face. 

Moiraine is dead, and Siuan is broken.  Is this how they thought it would end?  Is this how it ends?

* * *

Moiraine is alive.  Moiraine is alive, but now she has her Thom.  

That isn’t an accusation.  It can’t be, Siuan has her Gareth.  Siuan has her Gareth – has bonded him, has shared his bed. 

But Moiraine smiled at her when they met again, her eyes clear and warm, relieved and empty of anything other than sisterly affection.  

Moiraine has her Thom.

Siuan waits till Gareth is sleeping, before she lets the tears fall. 


End file.
